A German night of Vaudeville

Justin loves the theater. All types of shows. Its the kind of interest that unfolded really slowly, until one day I was like, huh, you really like theater. Ahead of his birthday, he stated he wanted to have an experience rather than a physical gift. I started scouring the internet for options. One of the benefits of living in a big cultural city like Melbourne is that at any given time there are about a million things to do. Of course there are mainstream shows that we are both interested in seeing, but there are also lots of funky, arty, more economical options as well. I gave him the option of an experience your parents will understand at face value or an experience you will need to explain to them. He chose the latter.

Luckily, social media algorithms have my back, and at some point ahead of his birthday I was fed an instagram post about the best theater/drag/comedy shows in Melbourne. It was there I discovered The Vaudeville Revue. Billed as cabaret, comedy, burlesque and more, it sounded like just the kind of experience we were after. Of course we were going to make an evening of it, so ahead of the show I polled the lunchroom for good cocktail bars in the CBD. At this point I was reminded that most grad students are dorks that don't get out much, but they did have some good suggestions. One of the more promising ones was a bar called Berlin that was divided into east & west. Vaudeville + a bar called Berlin means obviously we were going to have a German themed night. I found an authentic Bavarian restaurant near the bar, and our night was set.

Aside: I'm not sure how much my readership knows about what vaudeville is, so I will have a quick little aside about it. Vaudeville originated in France in the mid to late 1800s. It became even more popular in the Canada & US right around the turn of the century. Vaudeville was essentially the first variety show - a bunch of unrelated entertainment acts, all billed together. Traditionally there would be music, comedy, dancing, juggling, acrobatics, etc. North American vaudeville also gave rise to American burlesque - cheeky soft-core stripping. Suffice to say, you can assume the rest of this post will be vaguely NSFW. Yes, I do recognize that vaudeville is technically French, not German, so the theme doesn't really fit. But to me vaudeville *feels* German. And I love a good theme, so come at me, bro.

We started our evening at Hofbrauhaus. It was easily the most German restaurant we have been to since we hiked through Germany. The place was filled with heavy, dark wood furniture and big exposed beams. The walls were decorated with Alpine horns, pictures of castles, and iced gingerbread hearts, while a banner with the blue and white diamond pattern of Bavaria covered swaths of the ceiling. The waitresses all wore dirndl, and most of them seemed to be German ex-pats doing a year abroad. The menu had two sections - schnitzel and wurst, and you know they sold beer by the stein. Of course Justin went for the stein of beer. I stuck with just the pint. We both got schnitzel, which we enjoyed while watching others order schnapps. While you can get individual shots of schnapps, they also offered it on a paddle. The paddle was a tasting flight of sorts. It came with 11 different flavours of schnapps, was served on an actual paddle and came with a cowbell that the waitress would ring when it was ordered. They encouraged the use of the hashtag #SchnappChat, which is probably a very overdone joke in Germany but in Melbourne is hilarious. As we finished our dinner, the live entertainment started. Of course it was a German band complete with an accordion and clarinet player in addition to the traditional guitar and drums. They played some lovely polkas while a nice older German couple danced along.

Satisfied with our wholesome start to the evening, we moved on to the bar Berlin. As all good Melbourne bars are, the bar was down a narrow alley. There is only a small sign outside, then its through a red curtain and up a few flights of stairs (all painted back). At the top of the stairs there is a black door with a little rectangular eye-hole cut out, and a buzzer. There are some brief instructions to press the buzzer once, and someone will let you in. When they opened the door for us, the host welcomed us to 1985 Berlin. The bar was divided into East & West. East Berlin, with its capitalist decadence is decorated with plush tufted furniture, actual windows, and fancy lighting. West Berlin is all black and red, with wooden stools and pallet furniture. It had pictures of Stalin & Lenin on the walls, barbed wire decor and a Gilly net on the ceiling. The soundtrack was also distinctly 80's - when we first walked in The Smiths were playing. I love this bar. Of course we chose to sit on the West Berlin side. I had a fantastic martini while Justin had a whiskey. No surprise that Berlin opts into the super cool, single-giant-ice-cube-in-a-small-glass instead of many regular sized ice cubes. The ice cube in Justin's drink was a literal cube. It was very big, and disconcertingly clear. Literally the clearest piece of ice I have ever seen in my life. It was so clear, it was mesmerizing to look at. Very, very cool. I realize that this is a strange detail, but it was memorable for me.

After our drink at Berlin, it was time to head to the theater. We had a bit of a walk, but it was nice to take in the CBD at night. We realized that we haven't actually had a night out downtown since we got to Melbourne. The Theater itself was in a historic building, and wasn't very big. There were essentially only 3 rows of seats, with the third being booths and couches along the back ('steerage' as our drag queen host referred to it). Of course Justin made friends with the middle aged lady with the bright orange hair sitting beside us (Susan, from Tassie aka Tasmania. We're supposed to look her up when we visit). The pre-show started with a lounge singer and accordion/trumpet player duo. The accordion player had a serious Captain Jack Sparrow vibe going on, and was rocking both facial hair and strong lash line with a full set of falsies. The singer was great, but the accordion player was truely impressive. He would play the accordion, and then seamlessly pick up the trumpet strapped to his shoulder and play it one handed WHILE STILL PLAYING THE ACCORDION! Later he sat down and started playing the piano in a way that makes me think he has done years of formal training, and is now one of those people who just knows how to play any instrument he touches.

The show itself was fantastic! Our drag queen host sang and entertained, and there were fire dancers, comedians, classic burlesque, not so classic burlesque, a sword swallower and a comedy musician. I don't know that I have the time or energy to outline all of it, so here are the highlights

- The smeagol/Gollam-themed Burlesque act. Yes, that Smeagol. Yes, it was REAL weird.

- The time when Justin snort-laughed at a comedian's act so loud that the comedian managed to work it into the act

- The monarchy supporters in the crowd that our host kept on teasing (because it was coronation weekend)

- A comedy musician who sang absolutely hilarious satirical songs. We remember that one of the songs was about religion. We think the other was about parental disapproval, but aren't sure. Neither one of us can remember any specifics about the actual content of the songs, so you will just have to trust me when I say they were really funny.

- The classic burlesque was very entertaining. The costumes were great, and one of the performers even had the classic nipple pasties with tassels on them. This is kind of a strange comment, but I found it really refreshing to see what real bodies look like for a change. Real life has no photoshop, no filters, no curating posing - just normal bodies doing all sorts of normal body things.

Overall, the night was fantastic. We both had a great time, and stayed out later than we had in months. And while it was way more expensive than a night out at home, we both agreed it was worth it and we would do it all again.